Heart Talk

1/11/2018                   1:02pm

It's been so long since I've written anything. I don't know why it is like; I should pen down things only when everything's messed up and gets bottled up inside me. 

There are days when all I feel is choked up, maybe because of the mood swings or any other reason which doesn't have any reasonable explanations to it. It feels like that too much observation or thinking about a particular situation, phase or person makes me so stressed & frustrated that it takes on a mental toll.

I'm aware that nothing is permanent, or nothing stays forever and so does people in our lives. I'm too tired of seeing people entering and exiting from my life frequently. I'm tired from the permanent feelings I tend to have for those temporary people. And the point is feelings & emotions are such things which never completely vanishes from our hearts instead, it fades away as the time moves on.

No matter whatever people say- that it shouldn't affect you or you should be strong enough to ignore small things; it is really difficult to not take notice of things happening around you. You can't just close your eyes and let that shit affect you while it is still hurting and messing up with your mind.

Now as we enter in 2020, feels like it has always been like this. Since 2017 this vicious circle of people entering and exiting my life is going on...and the sad part is that I can't even do something to stop the sequence of events taking place since then. It feels like as if I'm myself the Audience in my own story who sits still with popcorn and whose reviews or opinions donot matter to the filmmakers (filmmakers as in the God) 

I mean, now come on the first three paragraphs of this post was written in November 2018 and since then I've not bothered to even open my blog and write something. Though I've written things in my diary but I didn't feel like that it was worthy to be posted online. Coming back to the point this is definitely not a coincidence that I'm at the same place where I started from. Because now it has kind of become my lifestyle and I've accepted it as if this is my final destination or destiny whatever you may like to call it. I swear I try really hard to not think this way and I seriously want to look at the brighter side of the life but somehow due to the repeated episodes of dramatic traumas I fear trying again. Atleast I don't want to try things or try to give space to new connections for some time now. 

I hope this decision gives me the much needed peace and some time for myself so that i can move the fuck on. With few changes in my lifestyle and in my way of thinking I'm trying to believe that it would get better and yes this too shall pass. Wish me luck!!

The Realization of True Happiness

I think one of my favorite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing halfway through, that how much I enjoy with them and their existence. Those people have some god-damned magic or what I don't know; but they possess a completely different aura that a simple 10-15 mins talk with them enlightens your day and you become happy for no reason at all. 

"The older I get, the more I realize that I don't wanna be around drama, conflict or stress instead I just want a cozy home, good food, peace of mind and I want to be surrounded with happy people who'll always be there with me no matter whatever happens." (I hope they do)

It's like I feel butterflies in my stomach, like everything in my body starts moving up and down, and all this happens because I'm extremely happy and overexcited to be with my kinda people. I don't know how many of you feel it, but if you're with the right people, you'll always feel a sense of goodness and positive vibrations around you. I literally become so energetic by seeing them that I make sure they get the best hospitality, care, respect, attention and most importantly love and affection which they deserve!! 

I feel lively and complete because of their presence and what I actually feel is "Oh great! This is my kinda squad, my people; now we'll rock the world together!! I cannot help myself thinking in this manner because I'm way too high (not coz of the alcohol.. obviously) but because of the positive energy which attaract me towards them. My state of mind is like "These moments which we're spending together are not gonna come back ever..so spend it in a right way as it should be."I really feel blessed to realize that how lucky I'm to have such beautiful people around me.

The Problem

The main problem arises when we need to decide that who are the people that are actually right for you. It's important to be aware that the people who are around you; actually belongs to you or they just pretend to be with you. One should choose its group wisely, because everyone knows that -

"You cannot change the people around you, but you can surely choose your circle or group that respects and accepts you the way you are."

An ideal group of people is one that allows you to be comfortable in discussing whatever's up in your mind with everyone and that to without filtering your thoughts. It is the one that understands you completely, donot judge your opinions, respect your presence and there's unconditional love and support among everyone. These qualities strengthen up the bond of affinity among people.

The solution

There's basically no explanation found, that tells you what an ideal companionship or a fellowship should be like!! It's just that wherever you feel lively, complete, happy, loved and most importantly respected and you feel positive; so, that's the ideal companionship you should definitely be a part of.

And the last thing, never ever ignore your gut instinct or the feeling of intuition because that's what helps your soul to recognize what is right and wrong even if you're unaware because our souls have the power to sense the negativity if there's any, around us.

If you don't feel good or don't feel the way you should be, then I seriously suggest you to restrict your involvement with such people or groups that will surely do nothing good, but will definitely distract you from your goal achievement path....further effecting your mental health. 
My main concern is;  that I don't want anyone to take any sort of stress... because I just want to see you all happy and healthy...That's it!



So! now I'll wind up, hoping the best for everyone!
May you all stay blessed and happy!! I'll see you all in my next post, till then love, read, share and enjoy!! Happy reading!!


A post by: Vrinda Pooja Bharara

A Letter From a GIRL

Dear best friend,

Hello! How are You? Fine?

So, yeah! its gonna be one year since I've talked to you or seen you (though we never met instead of that crazy video calls we had). On March 18, it's gonna be complete one year since we have stopped talking. The previous year had been full of unusual or different incidents that I faced and it was rather a stressful year and time than any of the other passed years I've spent. Everything was fine in the beginning because the painful memories and incidents were still afresh in my heart which you, are totally unaware of.

Further it was all like the " I don't even care " mode on for the first three months.

The struggle started afterwards and this phase was really 'dramatic' I would say and was unbearable for me to handle. There was no day, no festival, no trip, or no occasion that I didn't have a thought about you since each of the festival- my birthday, your birthday, my trips, reminded me of something or the other which we used to say to each other or the way we wished each other and shared crazy pic of ours. I remember how all that late conversations were so interesting and tireless (no matter what was the time).

Since it is said that "each person, or incident gives you lesson and experience to lead life", I too got a good experience and lesson from all this.

I don't know whether this lesson learnt by me is right or not, but as for now, I feel completely okay with what I have learnt or accepted. The thing learnt by me is- I've completely stopped talking to random people (since I left all my social handles) and stopped giving importance to people who do not have anything to do with me. I've stopped sharing most of the things with friends I have or people around me since I believe they too are temporary in my life. I share only essential and limited information with my mom  and that the; 'other things' I keep it to myself completely. I do not trust people at all i.e. I have stopped trusting any of them, no matter who they are. I try not to promise anything to people because I do not want them to go through what I have been through; in case I make promises, I make sure that I fulfill them. 

I've started focusing a lot on my goal and future life because I want it to be full of joy, peace and contentment and permanent people who'll always be there. Yeah! I do miss you!, sometimes too much, sometimes little, sometimes not at all. But the thing that I wanna tell you is that- 'Thank You' for being in my life and making me realize that what a true friend and a caring person is. Thank You for instilling those feelings of utmost happiness which I felt just because of your presence. Thank You for each and everything you did! Though we both were wrong somewhere or the other (I know you are unaware), but mine only fault was I didn't let you know what actually happened and simply left because those conditions were not right to inform or explain you anything. And later I was unable to gather the confidence to tell you something and the truth... I didn't have guts to do it.

As for know, I want you to believe me and not misjudge me (in case you remember me) because nothing hurts more than misunderstanding between people who are (were) closely attached and I guess 'meant' a lot to each other. For the very first time, I realized one of the biggest inferiority I've, just like you i.e. I get a little more attached to people easily then any other person (maybe) and the painful part is, it is more difficult to get separated from a person who you are closely attached to, admire, care, trust, adore, and respect a lot.

It honestly feels like someone took the most precious part of your heart which can't be fixed. I don't know whether this case is specially with me or with others too but the sad part is "this is who I am", I get attached to people (who are close to me) too easily and care for them even when they are not a part of my life. I'll still think about you in the same manner and would not regret it even once. I will forget about everything that happened for a time being and still miss you like I used to (in the exact same manner) whenever we didn't talk.

I cannot just completely ignore people no matter how rough and tough  I show myself from outside, I cannot seriously; its not in me. Internally my soul insists me to do things which I cannot resist myself from doing it externally. Now the present situation is, either people are too close to me or they do not exist for me in my life; there's no 'middle' category in between.

So, now I'll end up wishing that you stay blessed and get everything you want - happiness, peace, love, good health and success. Here's wishing you a happy and a pleasant life further best friend!!

Love and regards 
(Naina)




In case you read this ever....


A post by : Vrinda Bharara

Tu Me Manques

"The sad truth is that we're all missing someone, And hoping that wherever they are; They're missing us back too. You realize how much you truly miss someone when something happens, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is that one person who isn't there."  

                                                -unknown

The title is a french sentence which simply means that "I Miss You". I generally thought of this title when I was reading a small book of quotes, and it randomly clicked me to carry on this title over here! Anyways what I personally believe is; that sometimes whether you miss the person or not, but you definitely miss the memories spent with them. This makes me wonder that why everyone including me have that one person in our lives whom we miss too much? Like really! the feeling of emptiness because of that person's absence brings me to a helpless state where I can't do anything but just feel miserable and do nothing about this.

I'm in totally different state of mind and mood that I actually start imagining things that are next to impossible, I start cooking up few odd stories in my mind, thinking about what life could have been if only 'that person' would have been there and so on goes my thought process!! I get random thoughts like these, and I totally admit that going through all those sweet memories again & imagining cute things that might have been possible, really gives me immense joy and happiness for a time being; until my mind goes through a flashback of painful and bad incidents that happened with me because of that one person. And then finally I reach a state of either depressed mood or feeling guilty for some or the other reason. I don't know, seriously...

When recalling those happy memories one might think about how lovely those late night conversations used to be, how you fought with each other like cats and dogs, the way you use too adore each other, the names you used to call each other, sharing all those crazy pic of yours and soon. This is crazy, I know!! but what's more stressing is, the way these past beautiful memories affect us in present. On some occasion or the another do you feel like, something's left out? or incomplete and unfulfilled? At this time the probability to miss that person increases by a certain level which I feel is not a healthy state. This is  because the thoughts then stick to your mind like anything, resulting in continuous repetition of those same old thoughts. 

The reactions to these kinda problems depend upon the person's state of mind, the level of attachment they had and the type of relations they shared with that particular person. People get irritated early, may not like the surrounding environment, gets angry easily and soon. But somewhere or the other, the reason behind their particular behaviour can be because of the internal conflict going on between their mind and heart which we may be unaware of. 
Sometimes inspite of missing someone, I miss the older version of me. Its like I feel that it would have been better if I had never came across people whom I got too attached with and so this type of feelings and the changes would never ever had affected my life to such an extent. What I feel and what you feel is totally different because of course there's a reason (which is unexplainable) behind the way people are and how they behave.

What all I believe is-

• So, the main thing is trying to let go of all such stuff and focus on what you need to do further i.e. what to do now, at present.
• Do not regret anything that once made you happy; can be your friend, the person you love and other people who at least may have once made you feel special.
• According to me the people whom we want to stay, may not ever stay in our life. Everything's destined! so instead of being sad about what happened, its better to take it as a learning experience because every time we experience something that is unpleasant we tend to learn some lesson from it.
• Direct your thinking towards the positive outcome and be positive in every situation, no matter how hard it is. You'll definitely see changes coming out in the way you deal with life.

A post by : Vrinda Bharara

Do Expectations Always Hurt?

Of course it does and sometimes it does not!
It solely depends upon the situation one goes through. Expectations from the right person never hurts but if you expect anything from a wrong person, then you my friend; are doing one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You all must have heard the famous Hindi proverb that says-

"उम्मीद पर दुनिया कायम हैं |" 

If not, it means that 'hope is what keeps people alive'. We all are dependent on each other on the basis of some hope/expectations that we hold for each other. If there's nothing to expect or to predict that what will happen in future, or what is going to happen in the very next moment, then it's really difficult for all of us to survive in this world. It is nearly impossible to have no expectations from anyone regarding anything. It's just that you can always expect a little less from people i.e. expecting not beyond the limits. Obviously if you are close to someone then there's always a possibility that you expect a little more than you expect from any other person. This happens because we love, care, give attention and are attached to our closed ones more than other people in our life.

Consider an example where its your birthday, and you are expecting something really precious or special present from from your parents. Suppose you get the thing which you were wishing and now your expectations get fulfilled. Now, in this case you cannot expect that same gift or present from any other person or relative because; obviously you love your parents more than anyone else and hence you expect a little more than you expect from other people. Further if you would have been expecting the same present from any other person then you would've got hurt because in this case there's a chance that your expectations may not get fulfilled. This is the situation where you must have experienced pain, anger or bad mood, simply because of the unfulfilled desires. AND why not to experience this shit when all you're expecting from a wrong person!!

You are expecting certain things, emotions and sense of understanding from that 'wrong person' who may not even be attached, love you, and care for you in the same way you do for them. And in this world full of complexities, who knows what the other person is thinking about us? You can always expect something or the other from your parents or people who are genuinely close to you, like your best friend, grandparents and so on. But what all you need to remember is-

"No matter whatever do you expect from the other person, but it is necessary to be aware that he/she is the right person from whom you're expecting."

Otherwise the pain or the unfulfilled expectations always hurt us and give us sorrow and nothing else.
Expectations do hurt but what hurts the most is, that our unshaken trust from that wrong person breaks and further we do not wish to trust anyone and expect anything from anyone, so that we do not have to go through that state of unhappiness again.

So, what do I suggest is-

• Try being a self sufficient personality, so that you have everything and you are not bound to expect that the other person will give you something. Start from simple steps like maintaining your own stationery.
• Be more helping because helping people with the mindset to get anything in return will not give you the realisation of contentment and peace which you may feel by helping people.
• Be happy and satisfied in what you have because the other person may not even have, what you are having. Even if you want to own certain luxuries or things in your life; then do hardwork and earn it yourself rather than hoping to get it from someone else.

Lastly,

"Rather than maintaining a 'Give and Take' relationship"

"Give, help, love & care for each other with no hope to get anything in return"

A Post by: Vrinda Bharara

The State Of Nothingness

Do you feel the same like I feel things around me sometimes? It's like do you feel nothing at times?  Right!, that feeling of nothingness even makes me so restless that I do not wish to do anything further and feel empty. In this state I experience so many mood swings, mostly depressed mood and that to without any reason; like I'm so upset, that I myself do not know why the hell I'm in this state. And sometimes I'm like the most happiest, satisfied and hyperactive person that you'll ever meet...and then slowly I'm back again in my depressed state. Ufff!!, and do you know why does that happen?....seriously I also don't know just like; you don't know the reason behind your particular state of mind or mood. Oh God! these mood swings are so infuriating!

Further this state is like, we feel so frustrated and peevish maybe because something we wanted to happen didn't happen in the same way we expected or happened in a unpredictable manner. I feel like people around me, no matter whatever they mean to me are so annoying and I do not wish to spend any more time with them...and what all I need is space and distance so that I can at least think something to come out of this state.

There goes on an intense conflict within our mind and thoughts and then those thoughts create disturbances in our mood, further which we experience mood swings and fall into this state of nothingness. You may or may not have experienced this state of mind but when I go through this, I feel like sitting in any one corner of the house where there is no disturbance and I'm alone...just alone.. spending time with myself; further thinking why things are getting confused and what should  I do to make them fall in the right place.

It's good spending time with yourself, but remember staying too long in this state of nothingness is not healthy! It's crucial to go through this state, so that we get a chance to carry out self-introspection and become self-reliant. But the fact of the matter is that inspite of all this, people according to their situations take out many alternatives, or solutions to their problems they may be facing in their lives.
It's like this phase of life is important to stop and realise that-

 "What has been done cannot be changed, but we can definitely change things and our attitude towards life in order to achieve what we aspire to do. There's no point regretting your past doings because things can't be undone, know at present".

What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to worry about this state of nothingness because its way too normal!!...and I think most people experience this in their lives in one stage or the other. Don't stick yourself to any one problem or guilt because that guilt feeling is not gonna help at all...anymore. All that is gonna matter is that your actions..remember-

"Your actions describe you and the way you want your future to be".

So, Finally think deep and then act!
→ Be patient
→ Be more understanding and keep calm
→ Carry out self-introspection
→ Be prepared for every situation, be it depressing, stressful or pressurised conditions; you need to act bravely and wisely. If you spend more time in understanding and changing yourselves, the solutions to the problems will come  to your mind automatically. Just trust and love yourselves!

By: Vrinda Bharara

LET GO OF EVERYTHING

"Sometimes you let go of people without noticing. You stop thinking of them every day. You stop waiting for them to reply to you. You stop allowing them to take up so much space in your life. You move on, you go about your day without worrying about them. You stop expecting them to come back with an apology. You accept that they are no longer a part of your life. You just let them go, simple as that."

This was the quote posted by "Word Porn", an online community which have the world's greatest authors or writers as admins over there. I mean look how nicely this quote conveyed the message of "Self Worth". This extract has such a deep meaning and it kinda touched my soul, so that's why thought of sharing with all of you.

It's just that, inspite of so many things that have happened or are happening, we try to move on in order to overcome those thoughts and pain. The thing that I don't understand is why those thoughts about someone or something that we don't want to remember or think about; bothers us to an extent that we go mad and act like crazy personalities! Inspite of practising the healing procedures why even that "one time or once" we think about the stuff that would make us frustrated, sad, or in depression mode again. I mean, why inspite of already knowing the fact and consequences about consistently thinking of the particular thought or person will hurt us; why we do those things to ourselves?? 

It's on you whether you want to accept the reality or not but it does not changes with the fact that if a person who has gone out of your life, maybe who doesn't care about your existence, or don't want you in their life, or don't value you; are not gonna come back to your life. Why the hell you don't want to accept the known fact that "God has better plans for you" and if he's taking someone or something from you then he has something more worthful that should be given to you at right time and place. 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

• All you have to do is keep patience and stop running behind those reasons that why things happened the way they did or behind people who you want them to be in your life; its simply either their choice or Almighty's. Don't run behind those things that you don't have control over or you can't control, simple as that. Keep things simple, don't get infuriated, confused or complicate things for yourself...pls for god's sake.

• What my opinion regarding this serious problem is trying to make our will power so strong and to become the master of our mind not slaves. Strong will power can help us not to think about any stuff that that would give us pain and or spoil our mood and day.

• We cannot become 100% successful but at least we can try our best and can succeed 50%. But that 50% would further encourage us to fight all the problems bravely and with mental calmness

• Let go of the fear, depression, overthinking and get yourself free out of the pathetic state that doesn't suit anyone. Because further it would hurt and mentally destroy you, and only you not someone else.

I don't want you to read my blogs just for the sole purpose of reading, rather I want you to practically apply those principles in your life to obtain results you actually want to see. No one has the right to hurt, dominate and bully you and "why to give the key of your happiness in someone else's hand" when it only belongs to you!! :) 

 "Spend your time in making yourselves better because there is no replacement for anyone in this world. You know you deserve the world and you've your own worth!!"

So, that's all for today!! If you love this post then do tell me by commenting below and sharing it as much as you can and do not forget to follow me on google + or subscribing me through e-mail so that you don't miss any post by me!Till then stay happy, blessed and think positive!! Do tell me what you want to see in my further posts!
I'll be back soon with another post :) Much love!!